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THE MOTHERFUCKING TEST DRIVE MEME STRIKES BACK

TEST DRIVE MEME

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'Course! What would you like to know first.

[The very picture of helpfulness, Sirius sits down on the bench across from her--because let's say it's not straight after the jump, to avoid any I-saw-you-naked-covered-in-goop awkwardness. No, this is the lockers, and Sirius is washed and all turned out and ready to be incredibly useful.

Or something.]

First of all, forget Earth. Just forget it! First question, now, do you like loads of metal and plastic in your architecture. And would you like a complimentary map with important locations marked on it, 'cos I've got one to give to you if you do.

[ Avoiding all awkwardness is the best course of action obviously, since there's plenty enough of that without adding nakedness into the mix, thank you very much. Sirius gets himself her very best 'I am not impressed' face, complete with a slight narrow of the eyes and everything. It's all very well and good to talk about forgetting earth, but it's hardly that easy in practice. ]

I prefer my architecture in the not-space variety, but apparently that isn't much of an option right now.

[ A map piques her interest though, so she tones down the hostility. Just a little, wouldn't want to give off the impression that she's actually happy to be here or anything. ]

...Yes, thank you. Tht would be helpful.

[ As opposed to the entirely unhelpful comments on the architecture of the space ship she just wound up on. ]

Well, when in Rome, get used to Roman architecture--though we have to change that a bit, it's more when in space, here--

[But he shifts, so he can dig out a bit of paper, which he presents proudly to Hermione. And here it is: a map. There is a helpful little LOCKER ROOM written out, and he points to it.]

Here we are, and here's the lifts-- [Which he also points out in person! Look how helpful!] --or rather, there's the lifts-- and you take those up the floor that corresponds with the number written on your arm. And then you go to the kitchens on that floor--that step is very important. Very important.

Are you with me thus far?

[ When in space. She has half a mind to abandon any hope that she'll get something helpful from him when-

...oh, no, that's actually definitely useful. Probably just about the most helpful piece of information she could have been given honestly, aside from the initial ice breaker of 'congratulations - you've woken up aboard a space ship!', although she'll only grudgingly admit that. ]

Yes, I'm with you so far- [ Sort of. She just has one minor question that she's wondering if maybe she's going to regret asking... ] Why do I need to stop at the kitchens?

[Solemnly, he shakes his head. This is a very serious question that Hermione has just asked.]

Oh, miss. You do not want to know the answer to that. In short, let's just say that you have to go to the kitchens to prepare... the offering.

[ Wow she takes back all of those praising thoughts in regards to useful. Useful just became freaky, and maybe weeks from now she'll laugh about something like this, but right now she's just very concerned. ]

Offering? What...kind of offering would I have to prepare?

[ Really Sirius, this is just mean. ]

Well, y'see--

[He looks around, paranoid--like someone is going to be listening in on this. Or some thing. Once the coast is more or less clear, he leans a little closer, dropping his tone.]

It's a sandwich.

[And quickly, he adds, holding up a hand to stop her--] Don't laugh. Whatever you do. But this is the most serious sandwich you will ever prepare.

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