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THE MOTHERFUCKING TEST DRIVE MEME STRIKES BACK

TEST DRIVE MEME

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[ She's just about scrubbed her arm raw trying to get rid of the tattoo - she's been branded before, she isn't about to let it happen again so willingly. Protests haven't done much though, it's still there, and Hermione is doing a fantastic job of staying Very Calm™. It's not every day you wake up in space though, so if there's a slight hint of concern in her voice, she can hardly be blamed. ]

Could someone please explain what on Earth is going on here?

[ She's waiting. ]

[Oh hey A FELLOW BRIT. Remus makes a beeline over to her.]

It's a bit of a long story. Are you all right? You might want to take a shower before you listen; that blue goo is rather awful to deal with.

[Hey this dork might look familiar--]

[ Nope sorry don't recognise anything nothing to see here.

...Except maybe a little, but that's crazy right? So that little moment of confusion can just be utterly ignored while she focuses on everything else. For now, at least. ]

No I don't want to take a shower, I'd like some explanations please!

[ And okay, maybe she doea really want a shower, and probably some fresh clothes too, but priorities. ]

Right. Ah, well-- my name is Remus Lupin, and I-- along with the other passengers here, of which there are about two hundred-- are prisoners aboard this ship. We were brought here in the same manner as you, and we know of no way to get back. Time freezes where you were taken from, so don't worry about your friends and family missing you. We have an array of creatures and people here, with all sorts of different powers. I myself am both a wizard and a werewolf, and I'm hardly the most unusual. Generally it's fairly peaceful, except when we're attacked by pirates or space creatures or what have you.

--right, we're in space. It's a space ship.

Any questions?

Just one.

[ Sorry, she lost you right around Remus Lupin and pretty much everything after that just became a blur of words and trivial information by comparison, because it turns out that split second confusion actually was all too accurate, but that's kind of impossible right?

...right? ]

How can you possibly be Professor- Remus Lupin? You're- [ dead? ] ...older.

[ Look at all that flawless tact. Forgive her, she's having a bit of an off day. Side effect of waking up in space probably. ]

'Course! What would you like to know first.

[The very picture of helpfulness, Sirius sits down on the bench across from her--because let's say it's not straight after the jump, to avoid any I-saw-you-naked-covered-in-goop awkwardness. No, this is the lockers, and Sirius is washed and all turned out and ready to be incredibly useful.

Or something.]

First of all, forget Earth. Just forget it! First question, now, do you like loads of metal and plastic in your architecture. And would you like a complimentary map with important locations marked on it, 'cos I've got one to give to you if you do.

[ Avoiding all awkwardness is the best course of action obviously, since there's plenty enough of that without adding nakedness into the mix, thank you very much. Sirius gets himself her very best 'I am not impressed' face, complete with a slight narrow of the eyes and everything. It's all very well and good to talk about forgetting earth, but it's hardly that easy in practice. ]

I prefer my architecture in the not-space variety, but apparently that isn't much of an option right now.

[ A map piques her interest though, so she tones down the hostility. Just a little, wouldn't want to give off the impression that she's actually happy to be here or anything. ]

...Yes, thank you. Tht would be helpful.

[ As opposed to the entirely unhelpful comments on the architecture of the space ship she just wound up on. ]

Well, when in Rome, get used to Roman architecture--though we have to change that a bit, it's more when in space, here--

[But he shifts, so he can dig out a bit of paper, which he presents proudly to Hermione. And here it is: a map. There is a helpful little LOCKER ROOM written out, and he points to it.]

Here we are, and here's the lifts-- [Which he also points out in person! Look how helpful!] --or rather, there's the lifts-- and you take those up the floor that corresponds with the number written on your arm. And then you go to the kitchens on that floor--that step is very important. Very important.

Are you with me thus far?

[ When in space. She has half a mind to abandon any hope that she'll get something helpful from him when-

...oh, no, that's actually definitely useful. Probably just about the most helpful piece of information she could have been given honestly, aside from the initial ice breaker of 'congratulations - you've woken up aboard a space ship!', although she'll only grudgingly admit that. ]

Yes, I'm with you so far- [ Sort of. She just has one minor question that she's wondering if maybe she's going to regret asking... ] Why do I need to stop at the kitchens?

[Solemnly, he shakes his head. This is a very serious question that Hermione has just asked.]

Oh, miss. You do not want to know the answer to that. In short, let's just say that you have to go to the kitchens to prepare... the offering.

[ Wow she takes back all of those praising thoughts in regards to useful. Useful just became freaky, and maybe weeks from now she'll laugh about something like this, but right now she's just very concerned. ]

Offering? What...kind of offering would I have to prepare?

[ Really Sirius, this is just mean. ]

Well, y'see--

[He looks around, paranoid--like someone is going to be listening in on this. Or some thing. Once the coast is more or less clear, he leans a little closer, dropping his tone.]

It's a sandwich.

[And quickly, he adds, holding up a hand to stop her--] Don't laugh. Whatever you do. But this is the most serious sandwich you will ever prepare.

Space.

[ So maybe James isn't as helpful as Remus or Sirius, but he gets right to the point with it all. Plus, he's holding out a towel, to help with the nakedness front, because he's been there and thoroughly embarrassed himself and had someone (Queen Guinevere actually) help him then. So now he's here to be the most helpful on that front. ]

But it's all very complicated, really. I'd suggest a shower, maybe a seat, but it's all up to what you'd like to do. [ casually not actually looking at Hermione right now. Just. Off in the distance. ]

[ She's definitely grateful for the pointed lack of looking, and even more grateful for the towel. She's just going to wait until she has that nice and secure around her before she even begins to do anything else. First order of business, gathering up the goopy mess that is her hair and dragging it over her shoulder.

Does she look incredibly thrilled about everything that is happening right now? Because she really, really isn't, and there's a few moments of rather panicked glancing around where the cracks start to show, where there's a chance that she might well just have the impending freak out that is coming so very soon.

Not right now though. Right now she just takes a slow breath in, an even slower exhale out, and then she fixes James with a look. ...And then pauses, because wow that is an eerie resemblance. Almost too eerie. ]

That's mad, though.

[ Not actually directed at James, just muttered quietly under her breath as she looks at him with a slight squint, confusion all over her face. Almost exactly Harry's face, but so clearly not Harry. Weird stuff is going on here, clearly. ]

[ And James waits until Hermione speaks again before even stealing a glimpse. Just to check to see if he can relax, which he can, and then it's an easy smile and also a shrug. Yeah, getting caught in space can be a bit of a bugger. But James has taken to it fairly easily.

Just have to roll with the punches at this point. ]

Mad, maybe, but not impossible.

[ He picks up on the look, though, and possibly the recognition. he's definitely never met this girl before, though. So it's a little strange. ]

Might make more sense after a shower, though. Plus your locker'll probably have more clothes.

[ Except she's pretty sure that it is impossible. At least what she's thinking, anyway.

Then again, until a few hours ago magically appearing on a space ship with no real reason or explanation as to how or why she landed there had seemed impossible too, so her view on what's impossible and what isn't s a little skewed.

Still, it's pretty hard to bring something like that up without it being awkward as hell, not to mention every conversation is more uncomfortable when you're wearing a towel, so for now she's just going to...tackle one issue at a time. Issue number one being the aforementioned towel. ]

My locker? I have a locker here?

[ ...Yes, that is totally the one detail that should be questioned thoroughly. Good job. ]

[ Ah, yes, the very same confusion. He tries to give her a good-natured smile to ease the terror and shock and anything else that she could be fighting. ]

Everyone on the ship's got a locker. And since you're on the ship, you'll have one too. [ he pulls up the sleeve on his jumpsuit, showing her his arm and by association his tattoo. ] See that second number? Should be the number of your locker.

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