Test Drive Meme

[peccadillo]

TEST DRIVE MEME

 

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Comments

[picnmix]

i don't know what you're talking about, i don't need lead ins to my half assed and potentially offensive pick up lines

besides, who says i'm even interested? for all i know you're a sexual predator

and the kids'll find their own dicks sooner or later, best we break it to them gently before they get traumatised by the sight of it

[xray]

oh so you're doing them all a big public service are you?

[A minute or so goes by and then she follows up with:]

and i'm not a sexual predator. you just wish i were.

[picnmix]

that's me, i'm really into the giving and the sharing

[ and a few minutes later, in reply to the second part- ]

well that's very modest of you. who's to say you're not a large and very hairy man? give me something to work with and i might be willing to play along

something that isn't a large and very hairy man, just to be clear

[xray]

[Oh hey, she's going to switch to video now. And she looks so confident in the fact she's about to get the last word in this conversation.]

I'm Jess, and do I look like a large and very hairy man to you? Don't be such a presumptuous dick.

[It's very offensive to be called those things, okay. Hurtful and offensive.]

Who exactly are you supposed to be? I show you mine, you show me yours.

[Oh good, now she's sounding like third Rudy. That's always great. Actually, that reminds her she needs to quickly add on a clarification.]

I'm talking names and faces, not anything that involves you sharing what's in your pants.

[picnmix]

[ Oh, feisty. He is just slightly impressed (mostly with himself, let's be honest), as is obvious from the smug grin when he switches to video. ]

Thanks for the disclaimer. Do strange men often show you their cocks via live feed?

[xray]

[Oh thank God he's not some old pervert or a kid. ]

When you're stuck doing community service with the idiots I have to put up with, there's always a risk of being flashed someone's cock. [Pause.]

Never a strange man's via live feed, though. At least I've got that going for me.

[picnmix]

Trust me, you haven't lived 'til you've seen a stranger's dick on live feed. You should try it sometime. [ Hard to actually say if that's sarcasm or honesty. He's okay with the ambiguity. But then there's a pause, and the next question is cautiously suspicious. ]

Hang on, you said you're doing community service with a bunch of idiots? Have these idiots got names? [ Because yes, Nathan, there's only one place in all of England where community service happens. ]

[xray]

Unfortunately.

[She throws up a hand as if it's not a big deal and she couldn't possibly know all their names.]

Finn, Rudy, and Curtis? [She looks a bit bothered at why he'd even want to know.]

Look, if Rudy's done something to your mum or sister, he probably didn't know what he was doing. He's - [She pulls a face, not having any idea how to properly describe him.]

Special's a word for it.

wow this feels so meta

[picnmix]

[ And suddenly he's looking both offended and confused. ]

Who the fuck is Rudy? Actually, who're any of you -

[ A short pause as he actually processes what she said. ] Hang on, this Curtis bastard - black, reasonably attractive, ruined career in something-or-other to do with sports, incredibly inconvenient time travel powers that he can't use for shit?

so wonderfully meta yes. don't let it break you, nathan.

[xray]

Time travel powers? [She looks surprised that he's brought that up.]

It always goes back the fucking storm, doesn't it. [She sighs, rolling her eyes. She feels a stress headache coming on and rubs at the bridge of her nose before continuing.]

Your Curtis sounds the same as the one I know, except he's got resurrection powers or something like it. It's all messed up.

[She frowns, shaking her head.]

You've got one too, then? A power?

it's cool he's unbreakable ..... maybe........... ??

[picnmix]

Did you say resurrection powers? How does that work? [ And now he's looking genuinely concerned, because he wasn't expecting being in space to rewrite things back home. Unless there were a lot of heart transplants in the interim. ]

And I may have. What's yours, then? [ Normally he'd tell her without hesitation, but he's feeling a bit weirded out by what she knows already. ]

[xray]

[She stares for a minute and then just shrugs. She's wearing the pants here, she can tell. So she stares at a nearby wall and her eyes turn to a lovely creepy shade of blue. She in no way actually says what her power is or does. Just the eyes. That's how she rolls.]

Showed you mine. Now it's your turn to pay up.

[picnmix]

[ Okay, yes, suitably creepy. Rather than assuming anything useful's going on, though- ]

That's it? Your eyes turn blue? That's an even shittier power than the unpredictable time travel thing. And if you're expecting a demonstration, you're not going to get one.

[ Any smugness that might normally come with the next line is pretty well eclipsed by confusion; he's still kind of stuck on the different powers for Curtis thing. ] I'm immortal. Which I'm hoping is slightly different from resurrection, because I don't think I'm listed as an NHS donor.

[xray]

Oh, Curtis touches dead people and they come back. [Said as if it's no big deal and has no adverse side effects whatsoever. She dismisses it with a wave of her hand.]

Immortality sounds better than whatever he's stuck with. He could've had Seth take it away and give him a new one, right? But he didn't.

[So whatever.]

And I can see through shit. It comes in useful, sure, but it sure as hell isn't immortality.

[She's smiling now, impressed by his power. It might be the most useful one she's seen. It'd come in useful for all the bullshit she gets into on a weekly basis.]