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THE MOTHERFUCKING TEST DRIVE MEME RIDES AGAIN.

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The figure is clearly humanoid, but beyond that, nearly all identifying marks have been covered over and erased by some sort of slick, black skin. (Perhaps it's natural? But is anything in nature that sleek?) While there's an odd lump at the base of the throat, there's not even a slit where a person's mouth should be.

When it turns to look around, it's eyes appear to be white and featureless. It moves to stand in front of a mirror before running the edge of its thumb over something on its chest and peels back the black skin to reveal a mass of unnaturally pale skin and scar-tissue surrounding a piece of embedded machinery where a lung might once have been. It adjusts something inside before sealing the skinsuit back up.

It pauses for a moment, head cocked to one side, before a garbled, barking sound comes out of the vocoder embedded in its throat.

It's laughing.

[ She doesn't trust any of this ship. She's not entirely sure this isn't another, twisted section of the Games, warfare on her mind and her body both.

It's safe to say wherever she is her knives are on her, probably in hand. ]

[Megamind's been around since the Jump, of course, and he's met a few people-- it's hard to keep a low profile when you're large and blue-- but he hasn't addressed the network until now. He's had to have time to prepare things.]

Now! Some of you may recognize me-- [He gives a little smirk, obviously pleased with himself] --either from the Jump or, more likely, from my earlier criminal days when I ruled Metrocity. But I'm here to inform you all that I've become good now! Good! I'm the good guy; I'm here to-- you know-- enforce justice and keep peace and all that sort of thing. So, ah, evildoers beware!

[--right, definitely have to work on some of that witty dialogue. Megamind grimaces for a few seconds. It's so difficult being the good guy; it's certainly not as easy to come up with interesting things to say.]

Right. To that end, I've introduced a new version of my brainbots! Say hello, sweeties--

[A little robot floats on-screen, whirring softly. It looks dangerous, certainly: all metallic teeth and red eyes, crammed full of gadgets and dripping tentacles-- but it hovers against Megamind, pushing fondly against him like a puppy might.]

They'll help you with any medical issue you might have. Assuming you haven't, you know, been eaten or something.

So! What other heroes are there on here? Where are the villains? I can't imagine there's any shortage in a spaceship like this.

[Oh this is odd.

This is odd and people are - where are her clothes -

All right, first matter of business; she gets cleaned up and dressed and now she's wide-eyed and where are Mitchell and George and Nina? Where is her house? Is she still invisible?

She at least has a box of tea. Well. That's good.]

Oh, um-excuse me?

[well, to be honest, waking up naked in a vat of goo isn't the strangest place he's ever woken up in. nor is the metal ceiling and floors too weird.

no, what stands out as the strangest and most concerning part of this whole experience for him is the distinct lack of a certain sister who's meant to be right there next to him. so now, people of the not-so-good ship tranquility, you have a pissed off witch hunter storming his way around the room.

good luck?]

[ some time between turning their backs on the pyre at augsburg and busting the door down on the witch in the desert, gretel finds herself separated from her brother and their newly acquired companions and in some sort of glass cage, choking on blue slime. the cage opens and spills her out and she lands on her hands and knees, landing a bit too hard on her right wrist, but hopefully avoiding a break or a sprain. after a minute to regain enough of her bearings to will her limbs not to shake, she pushes herself to her knees and looks around, wiping the slime out of her eyes so she can see whatever's happening better.

no one seems to be all that better off than she is, but she does notice that there are several around who have been through this ordeal before. after a few minutes of waiting for the unease and nausea to ebb away a bit, she rises unsteadily and starts heading towards where everyone else is headed. the room is harsh and bright and loud, totally foreign to someone who was previously in eighteenth century germany, but she manages to find one towel to clean herself off with and another to cover herself before she starts investigating the place. ]

Edited 2013-03-25 21:45 (UTC)

[ speak of the sister and she appears! gretel is still kind of trying to string her brain back together after waking up and cleaning off. everything around her is bright and loud and giving her a massive fucking headache, but she's coherent enough to recognize her brother and the way he moves on sight, and she runs over to him the second she spots him. ]

Hansel. [ she's extremely relieved, and her hands grasp at his forearms as if she's trying to make sure he's not an illusion. ] Are you all right?

[ Sometime between getting getting stuck underground with those things, she'd dozed off. Waking up covered in goo, sans weapons and cheerfully informed she was on a spaceship?

She was not jiving with this change. Getting her uniform and weapons back didn't really make her any calmer, but the security eyed her like if she made one wrong move they'd take them away in a flash, so she wasn't making that wrong move.

Not yet.

If someone didn't explain what the hell the Tranquility was doing stealing mercs out of underground facilities, though, she might be inclined to. ]

[ well, that's it. that's all she wrote. he's gone and exploded, and there won't be anything left of earth in the whole universe. it's tragic, really. he wishes he'd had more time with his daughter, even of she was a little bit, well, terrible. maybe a chance to say goodbye to ford, or trillian, or even (though he wouldn't have appreciated it) marvin. but no, it's all too late. it had been a good life, odd but good, and now it's done. ]

[ it's funny, he always thought death would be a lot quieter. ]

[ and a lot less nauseating. ]

[ and less... blue. ]

[ on the floor of the tranquility medbay, arthur dent opens his eyes. well, there's no doubt about it. it must have been a thursday. ]

[ with the weariness and resignation of a man who has long since grown used to waking up unexpectedly aboard impossible spaceships, arthur gets to his feet. looks down at himself. looks around. ]

Sorry, does anybody happen to have a towel?

Has anyone seen Wade Kinsella around? Because I have a feeling he's behind this. And if he is, I'm going to beat him with his own stupid cowboy boots.

[she glances around, the scowl on her face an attempt at trying not to look totally freaked out but she's not exactly happy about being here.]

I know I'm not in Alabama anymore and this isn't like any hospital I've ever worked in or visited.

Edited 2013-03-25 05:09 (UTC)

[ john's seen his fair share of bullshit, and the truth of that matter is that waking up in space goo in a room that supplies showers and towels is actually pretty damn classy by comparison.

he's also found that most times (well, sometimes), it's better to blend in when you're naked and unarmed, so he doesn't raise a fuss. he's dressed and on his way out when he notices the very naked and apparently very english man, and he stops in the process of towel drying his hair to toss the damp cloth at arthur's face. ]

There's more in the showers. [ there's a pause while he does up some of the straps on his vest (which there are quite a few of, thank you), and he takes in the rest of the room before turning his attention back to arthur. ]

Let me guess. Not your exit, either?

[Juice has woken up in a lot of strange states before; hungover, bleary, ripped staples out of his chest or worked on wiping pen off his face. This, though? Naked, covered in blue slime and surrounded by the cross between a sci-fi convention and a high-school locker room - this was a whole new level of fucked up.]

[ oh dear. the dreary expanse of gray walls, the sterile lighting, the disorientation and suffocating nausea-

what a sense of... foreboding

morticia steps out of the chamber and into the encroaching darkness that looms from the lift. she lifts one arm, a single, delicate finger pressed to her painted mouth. ]

How charming.

[Oh, now here's a lady that looks like she has style. Megamind raises an eyebrow and comes over, standing next to her.]

I think they could have done a bit more work on the whole atmosphere of it-- and these jumpsuits, really-- but it's not a bad effort! As an ex-villain, I'm very nearly impressed!

[ Three things. She had to return each new moon with three new things she had learned.

She had learned thirty new things, but they had all been pushed aside. She was still learning new things and these would please the kindly man more she knew.

The first she knew already what it would be. A man died today. Dareon of the Night’s Watch. Dareon the deserter. His throat was slit and his boots taken off him. Too small and too large for others. A waste of good boots.

The second was pacing before her, eyes burning a dull gold in her impotent fury.

My wolf has come back.

Her wolf. Hers. She was not meant to own anything. She had given up everything. (You lie. A sad little lie. A lie that sits in her hand.) She should be a master of her own face, but Arya cannot help her smile whenever she looks upon Nymeria--a smile that fades whenever she looks away. She keeps a hand on the direwolf as the other moves, not yet convinced it is not a dream she will soon wake from.

It might have been a good dream if not for the third.

I do not know where I am.

All she knew was that she knew nothing. Of where she was, of how she came to be here. Would the kindly man accept it?

Arya bit her lip. ]

Edited 2013-03-25 05:23 (UTC)

[ What's wrong with your head. It takes some visible effort to not comment on that, but Gaius manages it - besides, he's got a bigger problem with this ridiculous display. ]

Heroes and villains? While I'm sure there's something to be said for your childlike enthusiasm, I feel it's my duty to inform you that the real world doesn't operate on such a simplistic moral scale.

[Baby please.]

Have you looked at a newspaper lately? That's the only term anyone talks in-- or, frankly, works in. Everyone thinks of themselves as the good guy-- except when they're deliberately trying to be evil.

[ the floor is hard beneath her bare knees, cold, and tara wretches violently, losing her balance and crashing forward onto her hands as it feels like her body's trying to throw up without having anything but bile to get rid of. she drops down onto her side after, hands held close to her lower belly as she struggles back up to her knees, pushing wet, stuck together clumps of hair out of her face. ]

--ax?

[ she coughs, harsh and painful. ] Jax?

It's true. [ the words are almost a sigh, and morticia keeps still- one arm folded at her middle, and the other continuing to rest at her mouth. ]

There is a certain- dreary quality to the attire. But they seem ill-suited to the subtle sinister air. Ominous as they are.

Precisely! It almost seems as if they didn't know which way they wanted to go-- you could drive people mad with the dreariness of it, the mundane quality, smother them with normalcy, but then there's this sinister air. I really do think they could do better with a black coat of paint and some steam.

[He glances over at her and offers his hand.]

Megamind! V-- ah, ex-villain, genius extraordinaire.

Edited 2013-03-25 05:32 (UTC)

[ wow what are you, 5 years old. although you actually sort of nailed the good guy thing and he'd rather not discuss that, so he'll just quietly dodge that entire conversation. ]

Then I might suggest finding a newspaper with more nuanced writing.

Your "brainbots" [ awful name, by the way ] - are they sentient?

[LOL OKAY BOY man he's just going to keep smirking. You can believe whatever you want, but Megamind knows about good and evil, okay? There was a whole movie about it.]

Somewhat.

[Absently he scratches at one of them. Good guys do that, right? Show affection toward small animals? Yeah. Besides, it's hard not to; they're so cute!]

Sentient enough to understand commands-- but they're not anymore sentient than, say, this communicator.

Morticia, Addams.

[ well, there was always something to be said for a man of classic manners. she offers her hand in return, but something about the way her fingers settle along his hand makes it clear the intention is not a shake. ]

What a charming color. I've never seen such a blue.
Drowning, and I believe even cyanide could not compete.

[ somewhat. he's dubious as to what that means, and then the clarification and comparison to the communicator comes - and now he's smirking right back. ]

I think the word you're looking for is 'no', then. So you were - what, a villain in command of an army of remote control minions? I can't see why you possibly felt the need to retire from such a glamorous career. [ just slightly sarcastic. ]

[But his smirk only grows wider. Certainly he's good now, but who doesn't enjoy a good witty back and forth?]

I whipped these up in a day out of a box of scraps. This is hardly the best I can do. Are you deaf, by the way? Good, I said, not villain. Honestly.

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