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THE MOTHERFUCKING TEST DRIVE MEME RIDES AGAIN.

TEST DRIVE MEME

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Monkey? [ She sounds offended by his words.] I am not a monkey.

[ But pretty though? Hearing that appealed to her ego. However, it didn't take away the bite of his previous comment.]

I'll be the judge of that thank you very much.

[looks wounded or affronted. Woundedly affronted.]

I don't discriminate! I keep an open mind. Don't make snap-judgments. I give the benefit of the doubt that anyone may know where's a drinks trolley.

I know what a 'droid is, yes.

[She peers at the camera, studying the brainbot.]

But they don't look like this. You designed this?

Well -

I think there's still some in your hair. Right there.

[She is pointing. See? Helpful. Plus you have such nice hair, Mitchell, take better care of it.]

Do you have one? Can you get a tattoo?

[She's already shifting her tea in her hands and reaching for his arm. Give her the arm. Give her the arm now.]

It's hard to find a corner of the globe where it isn't. I have to say it's actually a relief.

[ There, she's smiling. It's a good start. The kitchen, once they enter it, is massive and well stocked, as they are on every floor. ]

How did you end up stranded?

[ if the people around them are staring, gretel's not paying them any mind. they usually do for one reason or another; either because of how she wears pants and carries herself like a man or because they'd like to see what makes her a woman up close. she's capable of handling herself in either situation, especially the second, so her eyes roll when she notices hansel eyeing a passerby, but having more than a towel to cover herself with would be nice. ]

I'm thinking the numbers line up with which one of these is ours.

[He knows why. He knows why because she was with Robb and - well, he won't say anything else on that.]

This place surprises us all. Welcome to the Tranquility, Lady Stark.

[A terse pause.]

Robb is here as well.

[He doesn't cling to her, he does as he's told--she shoves him off and he falls back, against the wall. And he half-expected it--Arya would shove him even if she was Arya; the girl with many names wouldn't have let him hug her, either--but it still hurts, and Bran wills himself not to be a stupid child, and bites at his lip.]

Sorry.

[And he is sorry, because he only wants his sister--she is still his sister, no matter what she says--but he must show her. It's the same as it was before. He must be slow, and careful, and then she will see.]

I thought you might be a dream.

Bran - no, Bran did not die. He went North, in hiding, past the Wall, with Rickon and Hodor.

Robb, we need to speak of.

[He touches her hair, carefully]

No one shall think me a deserter, I promise.

[Bela has lost count of how many people she has seen naked in her time on the ship but this woman is not ashamed or embarrassed; while others move quickly to cover themselves up, she has done quite the opposite.

She spares her a passing glance as she heads into a cubicle, switching on the water to clean off the offending goop.]

[His heart is in his throat, and his eyes are stupid and blurry and hot, and she is here, beside him, and her arms are around him, and if he were a man grown he would not need his mother--but he is not a man grown, he is not a lord, he is only Bran, and he swallows, hard--he mustn't show her weakness, he must show her how strong he is, he was strong while he sat at Winterfell and he was strong even when he fled Winterfell--and here, too, he has learned new strength--

But he can't play false, not right now, and he must first be just Bran, just as she calls him. And so he lets out his breath, and it comes out shaky and weak and childish, and he puts his arms around her and holds to her, so tightly; he presses himself to her as closely as he can. And this is the smell that he remembers, the smell of her hair, even though she's washed here--or maybe he's thinking Summer's thoughts for a second. The direwolf has risen to his feet, and he sniffs at Mother's arm and shoulder--Bran can see his nose, working at her sleeve--and then he shuts his eyes and tries very hard not to let any of the hot feeling spill over.]

Mother-- [Once more, just because he can, and then he forces himself to be a little strong, at least.] I never thought to see-- [His voice strains; stupid stupid stupid, do not be a child, Bran--she will know, you must be a Stark of the North and a lord--] I never thought to see you, Mother, never--

Should've known you would turn up eventually.

[...oh. Thanks, Annie, always so helpful, and he rubs absently at the spot she indicated with the heel of his hand-- or at least he would have, except then she's fixated on his arm, and she's got that look in her eye, that Annie look--]

Nooo, not really-- watch it, Annie, would you just-- hang on!

[FINE he surrenders his arm because she'll probably kick him if he doesn't, and she kicks bloody hard, for a ghost. And there is a tattoo.]

What.

[He has her smiling again. It puts her at ease.]

Strange to think people here come from different worlds.

[Once in the kitchen, she goes right to get herself a drink of water. After what she went through, she's not ashamed of drinking it like someone who hasn't seen a glass of water in a week.]

This sure beats rainwater. I feel practically civilized again.

[A sigh and she leans against the counter.]

I was on a ship. We were on an archeological expedition, searching for the lost civilization of Yamatai. We went into the Dragon's Triangle, southeast of Japan and the ship went down in a storm.

You sure smell like a monkey.

[ Oh yes, he's scoring all the points. And now he's sniffing her. ]

If you were a lady-cat, I'd be the first to know.

[Victory! She examines his arm from various angles, as if it might shift or change. When it stays the same she just stares at it.]

Huh.

[She lets go of his arm for a second and frowns a bit, clearly thinking. Thinking hard.]

Do you reckon this is some kind of - you know -

[Well her first thought is purgatory.]

No. You don't remember that happening?

[okay sam can get the being on a ship thing. sure, the devil probably threw this right on top of everything else because he needs to be tested.

or something like that, he really didn't know. all he knew was that this is totally messed up and he's over the whole motion sickness thing.

he's minding his own business, trying to talk to people who apparently aren't into talking right now, which only pisses him off more because really are you serious this is a problem. this will be a problem until he can get back home after snagging some demon that's escaped and sending it back. ugh.

and then he gets nudged.

by a spider lady.

a spider lady she has too many eyes there are way too many eyes going on up there and god forbid he looks down because those are human breasts.

well, she's kinda different from the things he's captured, but if this is it... wait, where's the contraption that the devil always gives him? dammit. did he miss it somehow?]

Uh, no? As far as I can tell, this thing isn't landing. [and he doesn't care because the devil sent him here and he's going back after taking care of whatever she was. spider-lady.] Where are you from?

[if her answer is hell he's going to be relieved and scared because where is the device he's always given.]

[ How long had she wished for Jon to muss her hair again like she used to? Even if it were true and Bran had survived, Robb… Her eyes sting and she jerks her head back. ]

It doesn't matter. [ She speaks fiercely. Mayhaps if she repeats it enough, it will be true. ] They're not my family. It has naught to do with me.

[ Zoe Washbourne has been in many a sticky situation. Some of which had literally been sticky, much like her current situation. But what she wasn't necessarily a big fan of was the fact she seemed to be quite naked. And in public.

There's also fact she doesn't seem to be anywhere she recognizes. Space, well that much is obvious, but it all looks very... New. But everyone seems to be moving on one general direction so she decides to follow, keeping her head down and hoping that she'll somehow find answers to who picked her up, why, and maybe even some clothes. And her gun. She would very much like her gun. ]

[Ah, here we go.]

Don't lie to my face, Arya.

[those eight eyes of hers narrow. not at him, but out of frustration and she tucks the hand holding the pink cellphone away, noting how useless it's been for the past few minutes.]

Fuck.

[somewhere from the confines of her dress there's the sound of knuckles cracking, and she shrugs her pointless shoulder.]

All over. I barely remember the planet I grew up on except it was complete shit.

[she eyes him.]

Not that where I'm from matters.

[pippin is far too involved in his search for Real Food to notice when someone else enters the kitchen. in fact he remains blissfully ignorant until the 'oof!' followed by the thump catch his attention. he shimmies backwards out from where he's wedged himself to twist around, eyes wide and visions of angry farmers dancing through his head before he sees who it is.

and, well now, what sort of second cousin- or hobbit of the fellowship!- would he be if he didn't known frodo baggins on sight?

his face lights up like the dawn]

Frodo!

[he leaps with surprising nimbleness from the counter and rushes over to help him up]

[ she doesn't respond to the checking out or showing off; given the way literally everyone around them is in some form of undress if not totally undressed it's only barely avoidable, and if the idea of being looked at naked bothered her she'd cover herself with more than a towel. however, if he tries to put anything other than his gaze on her, he'll come away with a broken something. ]

Usually. People tend to want to get this shit off their skin as soon as they can.

One of my first inventions. And best, to be frank. They're a little slow, but they have the best intentions-- don't you? Don't you?

[ She scoffs. ]

You're the dream. I'm real.

[ But that's not right. Her dreams have always been as real as waking, but she always had four legs not two. She raced through trees not steel walls. And Bran was never there.

Still water. I must be still water. See. ]

Where are we?

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